Dear Beckett,

It was Wednesday, December 19, 2012, and I had just picked up Bryson from preschool. We were driving home on a beautiful sunny day when the phone call that would forever change our lives came through. My doctor called to let me know that my white blood platelet count was low and that I needed to go to labor and delivery immediately. I was shaking with fear, excitement, and for the great unknown.

I wasn’t prepared, I hadn’t packed a bag and your nursery was far from ready. Could this really be happening? Was this going to be the day that we finally got to see your face and hold you in our arms?

I called your daddy and told him that we had to go to the hospital and that there was a possibility that you would be born that day. I could immediately tell by the sound of his voice that he was in a state of shock. Nevertheless, he stayed calm, left work, and immediately drove to meet me at the hospital. I was almost home by this point, so I drove to the house and grabbed our camera, video camera, and a change of clothes for your daddy (just in case we were admitted into the hospital that night). I called your Aunt Heather and let her know the news and arranged for your Uncle Justin to take care of your brothers while we went to the hospital. I called your Mimi and your Aunt Hilary and your daddy called your Nonnie and Papa and your Aunt Kristin and Uncle Grayson. Everyone was on standby, waiting to hear if you were going to be born that day.

As I got to the hospital, my heart raced, and my excitement heightened. I was only 37 weeks, 5 days along, so it wasn’t a completely ideal time for your arrival, but I had been waiting to meet you for so long and needed to know that you were going to be ok. I needed to hold you in my arms and look at your beautiful face. Your daddy and I prayed for you to come into our lives for years, and we couldn’t believe that the time was finally here.

I was monitored, and they took another blood sample to check my white blood platelet count. Again, the number had decreased, so my doctor came in to talk to us about our options. Even though he expressed that he was typically a very conservative doctor under normal circumstances, he felt very strongly that we couldn’t wait another day before your delivery. I asked him how soon he was thinking and he quickly said, “tonight…as in right now”.

An hour later, they wheeled me into the operating room. Excited and nervous, I couldn’t believe the time had finally arrived. Within the hour, I was hearing your cries, and with tears flowing down my cheeks, I got the first glimpse of this little person who had been kicking me and keeping me company over the past several months.

They had to clean you up, and I couldn’t get a good look at you, but I did see the expression on your daddy’s face, and it was priceless. The smile never left his face; even his eyes smiled as he stared at his newborn son. He never once left your side and never took his eyes off of you. It was love and first sight, and while I couldn’t see you, I could see him, and I immediately knew that everything was going to be ok. You were healthy with only a slight issue with your breathing (something common in c-section babies).

What seemed like an eternity was probably only a matter of minutes, but they finally brought you to me and laid you in my arms. You were so beautiful! I was in absolute awe, and at that moment, my life changed forever. I was now the mom to three little boys who I adored beyond anything I ever dreamed possible. I was blessed beyond belief. Having you in my arms felt like everything was right in the world. I was elated and full of joy! I was complete!

This is the story of the beginning of your life. The beginning of what I hope will be a life filled with happiness, love, adventure, hope, and pure joy accompanied by lots of family and friends. I love you beyond words, and I look forward to watching you grow.

Mommy

Holly Paul

Holly is a 42 year old wife and mom to 3 boys, from Nashville, Tennessee. She is a hot tea lover, book reader, journal keeper, Pinterest pinner, podcast listener, y’all sayer, self-taught graphic designer, hobbyist photographer, writer and dreamer of all things big and small. You can find all of her ramblings here at Blu Nest Bloom.